So, you know how the king and queen in Sleeping Beauty always have all the spinning wheels in the kingdom burned to save their daughter from her fate?

...ever wonder about the impracticality of that particular course of action?

"Let's just not make cloth anymore! For sixteen years! I'm sure it'll be fine. What could possibly go wrong? It's not like the peasants are going to stage a musical revolt or anything."



That's been running through my head all God damn morning.

And I love the fact that the peasants bringing their grievances before their monarch involves a huge musical number and choreographed dance. To eighties synth music.

See, this is why nothing gets done in fairy tales. Developing political policies while singing and dancing just doesn't work. I really wish it did, though.

...ah, what the hell, while I'm at it:



Yeah. The Big Bad Wolf in thigh high boots and singing still kinda does it for me, I'm not gonna lie. It might just be the dramatic fuh-lair, being as I'm a sucker for that sort of thing, or it might be the period costume.

...it's probably just the boots, though.

So, last night, in case you were unaware, the Saints won the Superbowl.

I don't care about football. I really, really don't. I know I hail from the state that has its own fanatical football fans of legend, and I now live in the city with the college-level-football equivalant, but I just don't care.

So imagine my surprise when Captain came home and said, "The Saints won the Superbowl! Joe's coming over to celebrate with us."

The evening progressed downhill rather rapidly after that.

Joe came over, after we ordered pizza, and then we all decided to hoof it to Eric's place to hang out.

Now, I'd never met Eric before, but...well, you know every beach-guy-stoner-dude cliche in every movie you've ever seen? This man represents all that those cliches aspire to grow up to be one day. The guy is a hair's breadth away from being a cartoon character, he's that much of a walking, talking cliche.

It should be noted that Joe, bless him, is...kind of a pothead. Kind of a lot of a pothead. He always asks Captain and I to smoke with him, but after the last time, when we staggered home, I swore off the stuff. I don't like being high. I've only done weed a handful of times and I have had enough to know that I don't want any more, thank you.

So, I didn't smoke anything.

...but before too long, a conundrum arose:

"Here, have a brownie."

..........

Now, as we've already established, I didn't want to get high, but...it's a magic brownie. I've never had one of those before and how often is this sort of opportunity going to arise? I always promised myself if I got the chance.......

So, I ate the brownie. I ate the brownie and was then warned, "Now, in an hour or so, you're going to be blazed. And you'll still be feeling this tomorrow."

I thought he was exaggerating.

"Fool!" I hear you say. "When the lifelong pot-enthusiast tells you you're still going to be feeling it tomorrow, he KNOWS WHAT HE'S SAYING!"

This is like that priceless advice I got about pillows and LSD. Have I learned nothing?

So here I sit, a full twenty-four hours later, still high. How the fucking hell is that shit even possible? I'm not in the deep throes of it anymore, but I am sick and tired of feeling like my mental processors are slowed to quarter-capacity. Hell, more like a sixteenth of their normal capacity.

I'm riding it out, and I think I'm coming to the last of it, but now that I've done it, and can say I've done it, I am never doing this again.

Add to that the Bacardi 151 hangover I'm nursing, and today has been a long, horrid, horrid day.

Kids, be smarter than I am. Don't do this shit to yourself.

( So, yesterday, I forced myself to stay in bed all day. )

I feel so good, I feel like singin'. I feel like singin' the most cheerful break-up song ever.

So, we’re playing the Ghostbusters video game on the Wii in co-op mode and, upon capturing two ghosts, the following occurred:

bitemetechie“Woot! Two in the box!”

darkestnova“…….”

bitemetechie“-expectant look-”

darkestnova“…huh?”

bitemetechie“-wilt- Awwww. I wanted you to finish the quote.”

Which I guess I deserve for being one of maybe five people in the universe who’s seen GBII just as many--if not more--times than the original. Also, I feel it should be noted that when I left the room to make a cup of hot cocoa (with marshmallows, to celebrate our defeat of Mr. Stay-Puft, naturally, because I wholly believe in eating the entrails of your defeated enemies in effigy--especially if they‘re gooey marshmallow entrails) and asked if I’d missed anything…

“Uh, yeah, that one guy showed up and threatened to shut us down. You know, the one…that guy…”

“Dickless?”

“Yes! Dickless! I should have called him Dickless.”

I love my Captain.

Now, when it comes to the actual game itself, I’m rating it a bit on the high scale thus far--as far as franchise tie-in games go. We’re only halfway through and though the mechanics are a little on the wonky side, I’m liking it a lot. It’s full of things that make the longtime ‘Busters fan in me go ‘squee’.

(Although there’s one MAJOR continuity error that’s bugging the hell out of me. But whatever.)

Like for example, the psychomagnatheric slime from GBII is still in use, which means that the game--unlike the Ghostbusters tie-in comics that I’ve read--doesn’t ignore the events of the sequel.

(And fuck you very much if you don’t like the sequel. Fools! -angry fistshake-)

Also, Brian Doyle Murray voices a character. Y ou know…Bill’s brother who’s been in virtually everything Bill’s ever done since Caddyshack?

…yeah, I figured you wouldn’t know that. Sigh.

Anyway. The writing is…not weak, exactly, but there’s some definite mediocrity in places--which is to be expected from a video game, so I won‘t judge too harshly--while there are also some great cackle inducing moments that make me glow like the geek I am. It’s mostly Ray who does it to me. He has some wonderful “OH EM GEE, I’M SO EXCITED!” lines that remind me why I secretly love him best. Also, I can’t deny that I’m still a little bit nuts for Egon, just as I’ve always been.

(Oh, Egon. I love you so. You taught me the atomic weight of cobalt!)

I think people have been a little too hard on Bill Murray, though. I’ve heard lots of complaints from the fans that he was just phoning his performance in, but I disagree. Murray’s not a voice actor--Garfield has proven that--and so much of his performance style relies on facial expression that it’s only to be expected that a CGI Venkman will have lost a little something in the shuffle.

One other thing that I’m liking about it is the technical aspects that have been incorporated into the game. Not only do you have a proton pack at your disposal, you’ve also got a PKE meter--and PKE goggles!--along with positively charged psychomagnetheric slime packs and various other accoutrements that are just all around nifty. Furthermore, you can collect pages of Tobin’s Spirit Guide and scan unknown psychic phenomenon to learn more about it.

That’s one of the most fascinating aspects of the game, actually, in that they get their facts right. At least, as factually right as one can get facts about things that have never been proven to exist. Maybe I should say, “They got the mythology right” to be entirely accurate.

My only real complaint is that the controls with a Wii-mote are a little hard to get the hang of at first. Also, after four and a half hours of play, my wrists--which are by far my weakest body part, because they’re tiny little girl wrists that have no business being on my frame--are aching like you wouldn’t believe. Really, there are two activities one should not engage in if one intends to avoid carpal tunnel at an early age: masturbation and playing a Wii.

Not that that’s ever going to stop anyone from doing either.

I’m a little disappointed that they didn’t get Sigourney Weaver and Rick Moranis to reprise their roles, as well, but it’s only to be expected. Weaver is…well, she’s Sigourney Mother Fuckin’ Weaver (poor career decisions likeHeartbreakers and the like notwithstanding) and Moranis is retired. I only really miss them because the new Damsel-in-Distress character is kind of insufferable as all hell.

She’s Saucy McSue, you see. A smart mouthed museum curator in charge of the new Gozar exhibit.

…and really, creating a Gozar exhibit and expecting nothing to go wrong? Isn’t that a lot like stocking your museum with cat, clown and penguin artifacts and then expecting Catwoman, the Joker and the Penguin not to rob the place? God, people are dumb.

Regardless. The chick is in-fucking-sufferable and I really, really hope she dies when all is said and done.

I was kind of hoping that the game would get me pumped for the eventual second GB sequel, but I’m still on the fence about whether or not I want it to happen. The game is fun, yes, but it’d make a craaaaap movie, and not just because it’s a game. I can forgive less than sparkling dialogue in a video game, but if the same happens on the big screen…well, I just don’t want one of my favorite franchises tainted by horrific failure, that’s all.

I can’t live through a Batman & Robin-style debacle again, guys. I just can’t.

Oh…and the game gave a nice little Portal shout out that pleased me. From here on, the cake is no longer a lie; it is a hoax. Haw, haw.

And now I’m sleepy.

We'll probably finish the game tomorrow, so we'll see what the final verdict will be.

VoicePost 95K 0:29

“So Green lantern secret ___ the black which will prove to be the undoing of them universe the ultimate darkness is house inside a teenage necrophiliac(?). Really Jeff Jones really. Ok. (<lj user="thehefner"> here, providing the real translation. I'm leaving the old one up because the AutoTranslate version amuses me: "Sooo... GREEN LANTERN: SECRET ORIGIN... the Black which will prove to be the undoing of the universe, the ultimate darkness, is housed inside a teenage necrophiliac? Really, Geoff Johns? <i>Really??</i> O-kayyy!"” Transcribed by: thehefner

...aw. My Boyfriend is so helpful and full of adorable coding fail. How I do love him.

You know my favorite thing in all the world? Finding the one six foot square section of apartment where there's pirateable internet. Here I was just going to open Cap's new laptop to retrieve the Sims 2 disc inside, when lo, there be an unsecured network? MUST INVESTIGATE! Is it here? Over there? No! AH HAA! HERE! I'VE GOT YOU NOW, YOU SLIPPERY DEVIL, YOU! MUAHAHAHA!

(Hope she won't mind. Ahem.)

And here I was considering breaking down and walking to the library! Ha! Fuck that physical activity shit! THE RESOURCEFUL SLOTH IS KING!

Anyway. My favorite moment of the day thus far? The following conversation:

bitemetechie "Riddle me this! What's Harvey Dent's favorite day of the year?"

thehefner "I...don't know."

"Answer! Two-day because it's Twos-day the second of February!"

Also, please note that not only is it a double--hurr--pun, it also contains four twos, which is two squared, which is two times itself.

Also-also please note that all of this occurred to me within moments of waking up today, which makes me prime supervillain material, I should think, as well as every Fanboy's wet dream.

Now then. Speaking of the fact it's February, it's time for the annual MEANING OF LURVE! project. For those of you who don't know what the hell I'm on about, all you need to know is that it's fourteen disgusting days of LURVE related journal posts (you can click 'the meaning of lurve' tag to see last year's entries--they're hardly mushy at all, I swear). Because it makes the hopeless romantic in me--the one buried under eighty layers of snark and geekery--outrageously happy. This year's over-arcing theme?

LOVE: GOTHAM STYLE.

Actually, to be fair, it's probably going to be more like, LOVE: ARKHAM STYLE, but whatever. Since I missed yesterday, I'll be making two entries today, starting with:



If you don't think this needs to be a Joker/Harley duet, you need to have your head examined. With a mallet.

Well, I'm going back on the road. Heading home to Tuscaloosa tonight and...maybe, possibly trying to convince the Boy to take me off to the cemetery where mom's been laid to rest, since it's kinda on the way. I don't have to, but...it'd be nice to have him do a meet and greet with the 'folks', so to speak.

"Dead mother, this is John Hefner. John Hefner, this is my dead mother."

Don't look at me like that. It's not all that macabre. I mean come on, I've already met his Father-in-a-Box and his Cat-in-a-Freezer.

...never mind, maybe it is that macabre. Go ahead and feel free to look at me that way.

Anyways...this means I won't be around the internet very often over the coming weeks. Shocking, I know. However will you cope?

It's been a long day. I need a pick-me-up. So, let's do a meme that I just totally made up. I shall call it, PIC-WAR!

Leave a LOLcat, or a gif, or a quote, or a link, just something, any random-ass image that tickles your fancy in a comment. Then we'll 'fight', back and forth, posting stuff that makes us happy.

I'll start:

Your turn!

YAY Team Leno!

Oh God, don't lynch me before you click the link.

...also, randomly, I'd like to state for the record that I completely forgot about the Conan Tie Edibility Scale until just now. Remember? Remember when he stole La Bamba's tie that looked like ice cream and it launched a doomed blog project comparing the conceivable edibility of his subsequent ties?



Yeeeeaaaah....

Four years later and...I still kind of want to eat it.

You know, I forgot how much I love taunting horny teenage boys in random chat rooms.

How much I love chat rooms in general, really.

It's like relapsing and giving in to an old, old vice. A delicious old, old vice. Familiar and comfortable and oh-so-very-wrong. The kind of oh-so-very-wrong that you don't really want to admit you enjoy, and yet...you enjoy anyway.

I spent so many hours of my teenage-hood artfully stoking the fires of raging teenage hormones and then dropping them cold, just to watch them flounder.

"Why, yes, foolish male, invest fifteen minutes talking to me, I'll make it worth your--oh, no, you know what? No, I won't. Nope, sorry. Changed my mind."

Also, mocking teenage spelling...that passed many a night.

I mean, sure, I also used to actually chat with other people, and we would have grand discussions about all sorts of things, but...whenever I got hit on in a chat room? Oh, come now, really? What else could I do?

It's...been a day. The emotional up-down-up-down that was today actually has me listening to...girl pop, because nothing else would make me feel better.



I'm not proud of it, but there you have it.

I mean, sure, I also suffered a hell of a head injury today, so I could blame it on that, but...I'm owning up to it:

Also, I think I've finally let go of my grudge against Avril Lavigne. I mean, sure, she shit all over punk and turned it from music genre to fashion statement, but...I think, after what, six or seven-ish years? I'm over it.

...VENTURE BROTHERS! MUST GO NOW!

Following in falcon_horus's footsteps...prompt me!

The first TEN people to comment in this post get to request that I write a drabble of any pairing/character of their choosing (you can add a prompting word or scenario if you like as well). In return, they have to post this in their journal, regardless of their ability level. (If you absolutely can't write, I don't see why you wouldn't be able to offer drawings or icons or something instead.)

The fandoms I can still write with my eyes closed are Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate: SG-1, Buffy, InuYasha, Teen Titans, Batman/DC Comics, Star Trek (TOS or TNG) and A Nightmare on Elm Street, but I'm totally up for anything you're willing to throw at me.

The limits are...well, you guys know my limits (no slash, pleeeease, and nothing over an R rating--'cause...I'm just not in the mood for smut right now), so request away!

You know, there are many ways to wake up in the morning. There are ways you expect, like the sound of the alarm clock; there are ways you learn to expect--like, for me, it's 'actually rolling off the mattress and into the floor' or 'finding John standing over me in period costume'.

Then, there are ways you instinctively expect that don't surprise you, even though you know they probably should--because normal people would register surprise.

Like for instance, when you wake up with John standing at the bedside, softly singing, "This was a triumph. I'm making a note here, 'Huge success!'"

...I didn't even open my eyes. I just let him get to the second verse and blearily responded, "Of course I'm not hallucinating. Why would I be hallucinating?" because, you see, when you live with John Hefner, you learn that this is what you have to look forward to. Every day. Every day. And even when he stops, he hasn't really stopped, he's just taking a brief pause. He'll even say he's done, but you know--you know he's lying.

"Okay, I'm done."

"...I wish I could believe that, John."

Honestly, after he woke me up by crawling on top of me in Seattle and reminding me, volume ever increasing, that the bird is word, I'm not surprised anymore.



He's really lucky I find it delightful.

Now, hopefully tonight I won't have Portal nightmares. You know...again.

"Everything is survivable, except the last thing."--Quention Jacobson, Paper Towns

Also, I would like to announce that whipped cream straight from the can quite possibly cure all life's ills. And you can quote me on that.

And now, we're going to watch the three and a half hour director's cut of Watchmen while reading along with the graphic novel.

Poll #1511738
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 10

Are we awesome or are we awesome?

So I got to thinking the other day about the fact that I really, really want to rant about Geoff Johns' Green Lantern.

Then I realized that if I said strange, wacky words like "Parallax", 80% of my friends list wouldn't know what the hell I was on about.

Thus, later tonight--or perhaps tomorrow--expect "A CRASH COURSE IN GREEN LANTERN: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE FOR N00BS" followed by "MORE OF TECHIE PICKING ON GEOFF JOHNS".

For now, though, I bring you ADMIRAL ACKBAR!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _,,,--~~~~~~~~--,_. . . . . . . ______________. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,-' : : : :::: :::: :: : : : : :º '-, . . . . / . . . I <3 THE . . . . . .\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-' :: : : :::: :::: :::: :::: : : :o : '-, . | . VLOGBROTHERS!! |. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,-' :: ::: :: : : :: :::: :::: :: : : : : :O '-, \---\ . . . /--------------/. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-' : :: :: :: :: :: : : : : : , : : :º :::: :::: ::'; . . .\ . /. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-' / / : :: :: :: :: : : :::: :::-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ; ;\ . . \/. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . /,-',' :: : : : : : : : : :: :: :: : '-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;;|. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . .. . . . . . . . . /,',-' :: :: :: :: :: :: :: : ::_,-~~,_'-, ;; ;; ;; ;; |. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . _/ :,' :/ :: :: :: : : :: :: _,-'/ : ,-';'-'''''~-, ;; ;; ;;,'. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . ,-' / : : : : : : ,-''' : : :,--'' :|| /,-'-'--'''__,''' \ ;; ;,-'/. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . \ :/,, : : : _,-' --,,_ : : \ :\ ||/ /,-'-'x### ::\ \ ;;/. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . \/ /---'''' : \ #\ : :\ : : \ :\ \| | : (O##º : :/ /-''. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . /,'____ : :\ '-#\ : \, : :\ :\ \ \ : '-,___,-',-`-,,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . ' ) : : : :''''--,,--,,,,,,¯ \ \ :: ::--,,_''-,,'''¯ :'- :'-,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .) : : : : : : ,, : ''''~~~~' \ :: :: :: :'''''¯ :: ,-' :,/\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .\,/ /|\\| | :/ / : : : : : : : ,'-, :: :: :: :: ::,--'' :,-' \ \. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . .\\'|\\ \|/ '/ / :: :_--,, : , | )'; :: :: :: :,-'' : ,-' : : :\ \,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . ./¯ :| \ |\ : |/\ :: ::----, :\/ :|/ :: :: ,-'' : :,-' : : : : : : ''-,,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . ..| : : :/ ''-(, :: :: :: '''''~,,,,,'' :: ,-'' : :,-' : : : : : : : : :,-'''\\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . ,-' : : : | : : '') : : :¯''''~-,: : ,--''' : :,-'' : : : : : : : : : ,-' :¯'''''-,_ .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . ./ : : : : :'-, :: | :: :: :: _,,-''''¯ : ,--'' : : : : : : : : : : : / : : : : : : :''-,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . / : : : : : -, :¯'''''''''''¯ : : _,,-~'' : : : : : : : : : : : : : :| : : : : : : : : :. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . : : : : : : : :¯''~~~~~~''' : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : | : : : : : : : : :. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

That is all.

OH MY GOD I'M ABOUT TO PLAY MARIO 64 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE TEN YEARS OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I'M SO EXCITED I CAN'T STOP SHOUTING MARIOMARIOMARIOMARIOMARIO!

I was going to write a post about how emo I am right now, but instead I decided to quit being a pussy and putter around the internet a little.

Between skipping back and forth between Tom Waits, Journey, Queen, the Dead Kennedys and Alice Cooper, I feel much better.



Also, I think I want to watch Soylent Green again. Also-also, The Stuff.

So last night, the Boy wanted to sit down and watch a movie. He suggested Manhunter, but I countered with, "But...I kinda reeeeeally wanted to watch The Great Escape."

From the living room, his mother said, "Ohh, you'd better not say no to this one."

( And since Girls Win at Everything Because it is the Nature of the Universe, we all sat down to watch it. )

Okay, f-list, here's a question: who's your favorite action star? Or, if you have more than one, your top five?